Posted February 18, 2010
In every management training course I have experienced or taught, sooner or later we touch on the importance of communication. The focus is usually on how to articulate our point of view in the most effective manner. However, most people agree that the skill that has the most potential for development is LISTENING.
The same holds true in our communication with children of all ages. As parents we know that we have the responsibility to guide them based on truth. Where we usually miss the mark is when we begin “telling” before we have really “heard”.
In our rush to fix the problem, at times we are not really hearing with understanding. Children communicate in many different ways, such as words, facial and body expression, tone, eye contact or lack thereof, and by what is not verbalized. They need help to draw out what is really behind what they are saying. That help comes first from intently listening, and second, by asking questions to probe their true concerns.
As the child matures, it is important to ask questions that assist them in gaining God’s perspective about the matter, not just telling them what we think and what they should do.
There is a world of difference between us telling them “you need to do x, y, and z”, and them coming to the conclusion that God would have them do “x, y, and z”. The determining factor can be the simple question, after listening intently, “How do you think God sees this matter?”, or “What do you think is the right thing to do?”
As the child gets older, fewer statements and more questions should be employed. But remember, being able to formulate the best questions takes time, thought, discernment, and above all, an understanding derived from listening to their words and their heart.
We have the best example in our heavenly Father who listens to our words, knows our heart, and lovingly guides us as we mature.
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